I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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