U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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