So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
