I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
worst night to have a conscience
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
