i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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