you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
