I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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