i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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