waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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