I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
