why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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