What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
