My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
