no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
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