if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
