So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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