I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
