that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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