Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
