I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
