Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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