she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
