Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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