Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
that's an acceptable place to lick
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
