i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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