You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
