The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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