He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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