Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Randomize
