Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
