She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
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Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
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When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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