i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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