We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
