apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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