I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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