she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
