Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
