So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Randomize
