You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
