RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
