that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
