and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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