That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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