whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
