i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
try to milk me bitch
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