A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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