the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
