it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
