I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
