Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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