True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
