Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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