Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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