im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
So much rum. So many feels.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
