I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
