I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
