The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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