we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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