I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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