update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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