a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Randomize
