I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
