WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
This is the high leading the old right now
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
