Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize