if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
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I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
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I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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