For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Randomize
